For some odd reason, we have an endless--certainly unhealthy on many levels--fascination with one particularly obscure aspect of contemporary culture: Lovecraftian culinary arts. To the uninitiated, the idea seems so absurd and outlandish it is hard to fathom. However, below is proof positive that this dark and blasphemous art not only exists but is thriving among a growing community of deranged gastronomists.

In fact, the diabolical field of Lovecraftian culinary arts is so vast, we don't dare attempt to address it in its entirety in one article. Today we will hone our intellectual palette on only one facet of this onyx jewel in the vast diaspora of sinister mastication: Cthulhu Cakes

Take this masterpiece by Darcy LeClaire:


What does this say about contemporary culture? What would the ideal Cthulhu cake taste like? Are Jane Austen fans jealous they don't have an iconic figure of doom with which they can conjure forth in an act of confectionery heresy?

And most importantly, are these cakes a lie? Judging from this gallery, I think we can safely presume the situation is far more dire.

Here are a few more specimens we have located in the wild. Don't get any crazy ideas now.



by Mad City Cakes



by Melissa O



by ackblom12



by Mike Pictor



by Cryptonaut



Creator unknown

by Horror Clix

After four months of lugubrious wrangling, the LNN is pleased to finally announce the completion of the latest entry in our reckless crusade of in-depth celebrity interviews. Today we tread a path few journalist dare to, well, be on the record as having trod upon. It is a path marked by foul monstrosities, mind shattering vistas of horrifying reality (which goes without saying these days), and velvety soft, extra dimensional entities.

Today is the the day we present our interview with Paul Blake, a developer from ToyVault--the maniacal purveyors of the blasphemously adorable Plush Cthulhu line.

Blake: First, an introduction. My name is Paul Blake, and apart from being ToyVault's Game Developer, I'm also the resident Lovecraft Geek (possibly surpassed by Jon in that respect - possibly), so it fell to me to fill in the blanks for this interview. The answers I give here are a mixture of my rephrasing Jon's answers, my rephrasing elements of our company history, and (where he specified that I should use them) Jon's exact words. In these answers, when I say "I", I'm referring to myself, individually. When I say "We," I'm referring to ToyVault as a company.

LNN: Tell us about how the Cthulhu line got started and what was behind the decision to turn him into a cute, cuddly, stuffed animal.

Blake:  Initially, Jon's response included phrases such as "While I was studying at Miskatonic University," and "My good friend Herbert West," so I'm not entirely sure how seriously he was taking the matter.

In truth, Jon's decision to make Lovecraft-based plush toys was, as so many things are, the intersection of several unrelated events. ToyVault has, in many ways, been a showcase of the personal interests and fascinations of the creative minds within the company - most notably Jon himself.

Jon's an avid gamer, a voracious reader, and a diehard fan of almost every media franchise in our product catalog. He had long wanted to make Lovecraftian toys, but during its earliest days, ToyVault primarily made action figures.

While a Cthulhu action figure might have a market, technical limitations of the form would likely alienate just as many potential customers as it would attract. For instance, how posable should such a figure be? Which specific artistic representation should be used? How detailed should the sculpt be? Action figures of this type have a rigidity, not just of material, but also of concept. Fans have an image in their minds eye of what a character should look like, and an action figure representation should match that image as closely as possible. With comic book or film subject matter, that matchup is fairly easy. With literary subject matter like Cthulhu, it is substantially more difficult, and so he tabled the idea.

Some time in late 1999, ToyVault was approached by another company - I'm not at liberty to name them specifically - to produce their version of a Cthulhu plush toy. The toy was manufactured, but a payment dispute prevented the product from reaching the market.

In the process, however, Jon learned the ins and outs of plush manufacturing, and the idea of a plush inversion of the Cosmic Horror trope appealed to him. A new design was commissioned, and the prototype was displayed at San Diego Comic-Con. Attendees were told that we would produce it "if there was sufficient demand." At the show, two major distributors committed to enough pre-orders to cover an entire production run, and the line has been self-sustaining ever since.

ToyVault's now out of print Plush Shoggoth also doubled as yarmulke for the theistically challenged

LNN: What is is about Lovecraft's fiction that makes it marketable as opposed to, say for example, the works of a better known author such as Jane Austen, and what does this say about your target demographic?

Blake:  In terms of ToyVault's marketability of Cthulhu and other Lovecraftian horrors, part of it is recognizability. Show a Cthulhu toy to anyone who has read Lovecraft and they should be able to recognize it as Cthulhu. I would be surprised if any Jane Austen fans could differentiate between, for instance, Elinor from Sense and Sensibility, Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice, Fanny from Mansfield Park, and any other Victorian-era lady of refinement. You could make a line of Sense and Sensibility dolls, and without changing anything but their labels, rebrand them as Wuthering Heights dolls.

However, that only speaks to the visual distinctiveness of Cthulhu, which doesn't completely answer your question. It seems that, to some extent, Cthulhu's popularity specifically as a plush toy is down to a growing trend of postmodern deconstruction in media and culture in general. Cthulhu is a widely recognizable icon not just of Lovecraft's work specifically, but of the Cosmic Horror genre as a whole - and by extension, an icon of undefinable fear, creeping madness, and abstract nightmares. Contrastingly, plush toys are an icon of the innocence of childhood, and all that is cute and cuddly. Merging the two creates a complete inversion of both of the concepts.

What that says about the demographic - Either that they have a sense of humor, or that it comforts them to see an incomprehensible terror from beyond the reach of time reduced to cuddly, huggable teddy bear.

LNN: What significance does the Cthulhu line have for you company, and what percentage of your business does it comprise?

Blake:  Cthulhu was the first plush toy we manufactured, and its popularity completely changed our business model. It turned us on to the fact that Geeks (and I use the term to include myself - I'm possibly the nerdiest guy Jon knows) have an interest in plush toys that are conceptually ironic.

Our General Business Manager won't let me discuss exact sales figures, but I will say that Cthulhu products are consistently our most profitable plush toys, and we have no plans to stop making them.

Mounted Cthulhu Wall Tropy: For the Big Game hunter who still knows how to read

LNN: Your website says that you acquired the license for Cthulhu in 2000. Who currently claims ownership of the franchise now in terms of memorabilia, and what are your thoughts on literature and the public domain? Does your business affiliation make you a de facto supporter of the Swedish Pirate Party and Electronic Freedom Foundation?

Blake:  The phrase "Cthulhu license" on our website is a bit poorly phrased on our part, and somewhat confusing. Its usage is due to the fact that we were approached to manufacture the product by an external company - As I mentioned before, I can't name them - and a license was involved for that specific product, as the toy was based on their artistic interpretation. That product never made it to market.

ToyVault does not have any official business relationship with any parties claiming ownership of Lovecraft's copyrights. To my knowledge, no such parties have contacted us claiming infringement. Such a claim would, after all, need to be backed up with sufficient evidence that the work in question is not in the public domain, and that the plush toys did not represent a non-infringing parody. Either way, if the matter were to be brought to trial, it would at least settle the question officially.

As for who claims ownership of the license, we don't have any additional information beyond that which is already known. Derleth's claim of ownership is the only one with any credibility at all, and even that is dubious. In any event, his estate seems singularly disinterested in pursuing it. Chaosium's claims of ownership are only over specific elements unique to their RPG line, and the use of the phrase "The Call of Cthulhu" in gaming products. Whether this last would stand up to a true legal test remains a matter of much debate.

The purpose of the public domain is for the general improvement of culture and the arts. The arguments against its existence seem transparently greedy in nature. Such arguments are never made by an artist or author with regards to his or her own works: They are instead made by those who have purchased or inherited rights, and fear losing the stream of revenue those rights have generated. However, the complexity of copyright reform is well beyond the scope of us as a toy company. On this subject, I would recommend Spider Robinson's short story "Melancholy Elephants." (Note to editor: This link is legal. Baen is Spider Robinson's publisher, and routinely makes much of their catalog available for free)

ToyVault, as a company, does not have any political stances or affiliations. We make toys and games. If there existed a political party opposed to the manufacture and/or sale of such things, we'd probably be in opposition to them. To my knowledge, no one in the company has any direct ties to either the EFF or the Swedish Pirate Party.

Quake with trepidation at "The Cthulhu Waist Pouch"

LNN: Well, don't be surprised when an honorary membership arrives in the mail.  .  . The plush Cthulhu doll has become something of its own Internet meme and has developed its own sub culture, including such websites as "Tales of Plush Cthulhu" and "Calls for Cthulhu." How do you perceive your product is shaping the history and current culture of Lovecraft and his fiction?

Blake:  All things will be parodied. It's a natural part of all fandoms, especially those for which the subject matter is no longer ongoing - A canceled television show, a completed series of movies, or the body of a late author's work, for instance. It allows the fans to express their enthusiasm in a new, creative, and unique way. Our plush toys were simply the most convenient tool at hand for some of these expressions.


LNN: What is the most peculiar place you have seen or heard of a plush Cthulhu showing up?

Blake:  I've seen at least one university professor who wore our Cthulhu backpack, and more than a few computer repair places with a mini Cthulhu on staff - presumably to terrify the computers into working again. However, the strangest instance I've personally witnessed was during a trip I was taking to visit family out-of-state last year. In a shopping mall in a semi-rural North Carolina area, I happened to see a child no older than 8 holding a Medium Cthulhu. It was the Christmas season, and the child's parents were taking him to see Santa. When he caught sight of the jolly old fatman, he clutched Cthulhu tight to his chest, and buried his face in Cthulhu's head - apparently terrified of old Saint Nick.


I swear I heard him crying "F'tagn!"


LNN: ToyVault now has a "evil" version of the plush Cthulhu that is darker in color, sharper in its features, and more malevolent in its product description. Whence the need for an evil counterpart to its cuter cousin?

Blake:  Are you referring to Cthulhu the Wicked?

Cthulhu the Wicked is. . . at least slightly heterodox in his views of the modern papal authority

Strictly speaking, Cthulhu is not evil - he (or more accurately, it) is completely alien to our underlying concepts of good and evil. Cthulhu the Wicked is a hypothetical scenario - what if Cthulhu understood our model of morality... and embraced evil?

Just kidding. We made him because he looks cool. "Wicked" seemed the best descriptor for the visual style.

LNN: Were you disappointed you were not contracted by the special effects department at the HPLHS for their silent film project?

Blake:  Yes. At the very least, we would have liked to have seen our Cthulhu toy used in place of the stop-motion model as an alternate take or easter egg on the DVD. Alas.

LNN: Obviously you are a business and want to make money, but where is the line between genuine affection and shameless commercialization when it comes to the creation of products based on the works of a well respected author? How do you address this ethical dilemma in your corporation, and what is an example of something you would consider to be literary sacrilege?

Blake:  Jon Huston's official answer: "That line is somewhere in orbit around Alpha Proxima."

The line is not well defined, but we definitely try to remain respectful. I would personally think that the line can be defined in two ways: Firstly, if a derivative product is thematically irrelevant to its source material. Secondly, if the derivative product purposefully attempts to replace the original in the minds of the public.

Some might see the Judy Garland version of The Wizard of Oz to be guilty on these counts, just as an example.

LNN: What impact do you think it will have on Lovecraft's reputation as an author, public perception of his work, and your business if either Del Toro or Ron Howard go through with a big budget Lovecraft movie in the next few years?

Blake:  We're cautiously ambivalent regarding the possibility of a big budget Lovecraft film. Past efforts have been enjoyable, but not what anyone would classify a "commercial success." Del Toro has expressed that the studios are pretty much completely opposed to Lovecraft's themes, saying that they want "a love story and a happy ending." It seems more likely that a television series would be able to remain faithful to his work - the BBC would be the most capable of pulling it off, although HBO could also do it well. Until the public domain issue is officially settled, though, it's unlikely that any big budget approach gets past the "purely hypothetical" stage.

LNN: With the recent success of viral movie trailers, has ToyVault ever considered creating an online trailer to promote plush Cthulhu where he devours your other stuffed animals in the office? If you did, which would be the first to go?

Blake:  Kiss versus Cthulhu. I'd watch it.

In all seriousness, the terms of our licenses specifically exclude exactly this kind of thing. Sure, it would be fun, but our legal department can't repel threats of that magnitude. The only ones we could do would involve our unlicensed toys, such as the Egyptian Gods, Here Be Monsters, Norse Gods, or Nightmares.

LNN Edit: We found one here. Its authenticity is questionable, but it does appear that Cthulhu likes Edgar Winters.

LNN: Can we ever expect to see jello molds, spaghetti products, bathtub sponge capsules, or a chia pet with Cthulhu's likeness from your company?

Blake:  From our company? Unlikely. Partly due to our current manufacturing capabilities, partly due to our primary markets.

From any company, ever? Possibly. There are companies who do those kinds of things, and who cater to the geek culture market. Business abhors a vacuum.

LNN: Would it be ethical for our readers to purchase and then donate a plush Cthulhu to a charitable organization for kids like Toys for Tots, or is this inadvisable?

Blake:  We don't have an official stance on the matter. I would think that would be more a matter of whether the toy would be appreciated.

This out of print "Dracthulhu" plush doll apparently came with its own sacrificial virgin.  Let us know when the new batch is ready to ship, ToyVault!

LNN:  Any thing else you would like to put on the record?

Blake:  Jon's official response: "A few tracks from The White Album, some Dark Side of the Moon, and a 10-minute loop of the Wilhelm scream."

We think that the HPLHS has done a fantastic job of presenting Lovecraft's work, and hope that they continue to do so for a long time to come. We're especially fond of their audio dramas, but then, we like audio drama in general.

Speaking as fans, we'd love to see someone approach the Cthulhu mythos as an ongoing retelling of Lovecraft's original stories, but bringing them together as a connected series of events. Audio theatre would be a great way to do this.

Also, a personal gift from me to you: The Miskatonic University Alma Mater song.

Go, Fight, Miskatonic, Miskatonic Squids,
Our Alma Mater hail!
Crush the opposition with your terrible visage!
Squids shall never fail!


We shall overcome them,
And drive them mad with grief:
In disturbing dreams they shall
Beg for death's relief.


Fight again, Fight again, Ya Ya Ya!

--Paul Blake
ToyVault Game Developer
& Lovecraft Nut

LNN:  Thanks!

Learn more about the History of ToyVault and Plush Cthulhu:
ToyVault Homepage

Order Plush Cthulhu online:
Intertubes

Annelaure is a French artist who stumbled across "Herbert West: Reanimator" at the age of 10. Deeply influenced by Lovecraft and his writings, she wanted to include him in her art. However, Annelaure doesn't use any conventional canvas for her work: she colors the streets of France with handmade stencils to depict psychedelic visions. She was kind enough to drop by and share with us some beautiful pictures she took of a Cthulhu stencil she has recently employed on the unsuspecting city walls of Saint-Etienne, France.

Annelaure writes, "I think it's interesting to put occult characters on the walls of modern cities. For me Cthulhu represents the dark side of things and people: a power who enchanted today and the ancient world. I hope you enjoy my work. I can say that is not easy to translate Lovecraft's world and creatures on stencil, but i try!"

We aren't sure what we like most about this promising young French artist: the fact that she was reading Lovecraft in France at the age of 10 or that she brings his work to the masses in such a creative and fascinating way. Either way, we hope to see more pictures of similar projects soon.

We'd love to see this catch on and watch as unspeakable icons wound up on city walls across the world.

Keep up the great work!

You can view more of her work on Flickr at the following link:
 http://www.flickr.com/photos/sputnik2369/

There are those who fear and despise technology. And with the horrific shadows of terrifying inventions like the nuclear bomb, mustard gas, and reality television perpetually looming over humanity, who can blame them?

However, the fruits of technology are also enticing, and few are as sweet as the fact that Nintendo has finally brought about the ability for small children to experience a Cthulhu-inspired theistic apocalypse.



Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment has just released the game Scribblenauts for the Nintendo DS gaming system. Players solve puzzles and defeat foes by typing in words that come alive on the screen.

Watch Cthulhu challenge god in a blasphemous battle for cosmic supremacy in the clip below, and then go buy it for your small children.

"We are like girl scouts, but instead of selling cookies, we sell insanity. And we sell it for free."

Joseph Scrimshaw is a critically acclaimed actor, an internationally produced playwright, and an independent theater director/producer. His current project with Tim Uren is the upcoming DVD entitled SpookySpookyScaryScary featuring the misadventures of two cultists named Chuck & Dexter. Mr. Scrimshaw was kind enough to stop by the LNN and tell us a bit about the film, which is set to screen at the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival next month.
LNN: How would you describe the basic premise of your film?

JS: It's about the relationship between Chuck and Dexter--two socially awkward Lovecraft fans who convince themselves that Cthulhu actually exists and set out to form a cult and let people know the "bad word" about Cthulhu.

LNN: Is a working knowledge of Lovecaftiana required to appreciate the humor in the film?

JS: Nope. It certainly enhances it quite a bit and there are some subtler jokes that will warm the cockles of Lovecraft fans, but we set out to do a comedy that would be steeped in Cthulhu-ness but still accessible to the masses. Basically, since the film deals with Chuck and Dexter's attempts to draw other people into their Cthulhu world there was a lot of room for their twisted exposition about who Cthulhu and Lovecraft are and what they are about--so it's funny to non-Lovecraftians to get the tip of the iceberg explanation and funny to Lovecraft afficiandos to hear this complex mythology boiled down into super simple and not entirely accurate rants.

LNN: Most of the people we interview have rather pedestrian jobs and their creative, Lovecaftian output is a mere hobby. (Though perhaps "mere" is the wrong word) You, on the other hand, are a veteran actor and playwright with such titles as "Die, Clowns, Die!," "Fat Man Crying," and "Adventures in Mating" to your credit. Was SpookySpookyScaryScary really that much of a stretch for you?

JS: Doing this large of a film project was definitely a departure, since both Tim Uren and I have done much more work in theater and improv comedy, but no spending all day dressed up in weird costumes or making to do lists that include "memorize lines, practice screaming, and wipe the fake blood off the knife" is the kind of thing I do most days. By day, Mr. Uren works at Fantasy Flight Games often tinkering with Lovecraftian projects like Arkham Horror, so all pretty familiar territory for him as well.

LNN: Besides your humorous projects, you have been involved in numerous serious works as well. How does your experience in Shakespearian theater translate to playing a cultist?

JS: Most Shakespearean characters are either obsessive egomaniacs or socially awkward idiots. And that's pretty much my character in a nutshell. Also, even though the film is a bizarre, outlandish comedy--a lot of the humor comes from the relationships, so it was important to treat it with a lot of actor-ly care--finding the motivation, the right emotional note--all the things actors do all the time. Or should be doing all the time.

One of Joseph Scrimshaw's many original projects: a "Family Friendly Morality Tale": An Inconvenient Squirrel

LNN: Who is your target demographic for this project?

JS: Primarily, Lovecraft fans and the larger geek community in general. We know we already have a connection with those audiences so our hope is to start there and then take advantage of the overlap between those communities and the general independent film community and spread it out to our widest possible demographic: anyone with a good sense of humor and a few bucks to buy our DVD.

LNN: If religion is the opitate of the masses, and the internet is its methamphetamine, why on earth have you not posted your preview trailer on Youtube yet?

JS: Does that make youtube like the straight shot of Jameson's of the masses? I ask because I'm drinking Jameson's and watching our short trailer on youtube right now at this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oASJCozH8Uc

We're also working on getting the full trailer on youtube, but for now it's available at: http://spookyspookyscaryscary.com

LNN: Tell us about Tim Uren: how did you two get this project started, and what does he bring to the table?

JS: Tim and I have been pals and comedy collaborators for many years.
We plotted out the story together and thanks to the amount of time we've worked together, it takes less rehearsal time to get nice little nuances of relationship across in individual scenes.

We developed the characters of Chuck and Dexter for a couple of short films we made with another production company in 2004 and 2005. We wanted to expand the characters and their world so we were looking for a technical crew who might want to tackle that project. Some friends of ours had formed a production company after working on another independent film called THAC0 and their experience, equipment, and availability matched ours so we all tackled it together. If you know what I mean.

LNN: While looking through your authorial blog I noticed a recurring motif featuring whiskey and the Wii. Were either of these essential items involved in the production of this project?

JS:Yes. We actually wanted to film Chuck and Dexter playing "Eternal Darkness" on the gamecube but we were worried about copyright issues.

The official Youtube teaser trailer for SpookySpookyScaryScary

LNN: What are you plans post HPLFF?

JS: For now, we're going to work on marketing "SpookySpookyScaryScary". It'll be available for sale on ye olde internet and we'll look into sending it off to other film festivals. But Chuck and Dexter might return down the road.

Beyond that, Tim and I are onstage either together or separately pretty much all of the time that we are not drinking whiskey and playing Wii.

LNN: What do people get when they actually send in their email as the film requests? Does it involve anything that will require confession at the hands of an ordained priest?

JS: We're waiting to see what kind of responses we get and if anything goes wrong, Tim has one of those minister licenses you get out of the back of Rolling Stone magazine. That's as close to a priest as we can provide.

LNN: Is there, or are their plans for some place people can go to view or purchase the film online?

JS: There will be trailers and hopefully other digital treats available on my production company's web-site (which will be launching in early October) at jokingenvelope.com. So the DVDs will be available for purchase off that site as well as http://spookyspookyscaryscary.com.

That's the plan--hopefully, the stars will be all right.

LNN: Anythings else you want to add?

JS: Thanks so much for your interest and we hope to see you all at the Film Festival. Feel free to talk to Tim or I--we have much better social skills than our characters!

Thanks, Joseph, and best wishes at the festival!

Learn More:

-Check out the homepage for SpookySpookyScaryScary
-View a second trailer for the DVD hosted here: http://thestarsareallright.com
-Learn more about Joseph Scrimshaw and his other projects at his website here: http://josephscrimshaw.com/

Quoted from the Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lovecraftian_school_board_member

Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

ARKHAM, MA—Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district's monthly meeting Tuesday.

"Fools!" said West, his clenched fist striking the lectern before him. "We must prepare today's youth for a world whose terrors are etched upon ancient clay tablets recounting the fever-dreams of the other gods—not fill their heads with such trivia as math and English. Our graduates need to know about those who lie beneath the earth, waiting until the stars align so they can return to their rightful place as our masters and wage war against the Elder Things and the shoggoths!"

The controversial school board member reportedly interrupted a heated discussion about adding fresh fruit to school lunches in order to bring his motion to the table. With the aid of a flip chart, West laid out his six-point plan for increased madness, which included field trips to the medieval metaphysics department at Miskatonic University, instruction in the incantations of Yog-Sothoth, and a walkathon sponsored by local businesses to raise money for the freshman basketball program.

Enlarge Image

"Our schools are orderly, sanitary places where students dwell in blissful ignorance of the chaos that awaits," West said. "Should our facilities be repaired? No, they must be razed to the ground and rebuilt in the image of the Cyclopean dwellings of the Elder Gods, the very geometry of which will drive them to be possessed by visions of the realms beyond."

West has served on the school board since 1997, when he defeated 89-year-old incumbent Doris Pesce by promising to enforce dress codes and refer repeat disciplinary cases to the three-lobed burning eye. He has run unopposed ever since.

"Charles sure likes to bang on that madness drum," fellow school board member Danielle Kolker said. "I'm not totally sold on his plan to let gibbering, half-formed creatures dripping with ichor feed off the flesh and fear of our students. But he is always on time to help set up for our spaghetti suppers, and his bake sale goods are among the most popular."

"I must admit, he's very convincing," Kolker added.

West's previous failed proposals include requiring the high school band to perform the tuneless flute songs of the blind idiot god Azathoth and offering art students instruction in the carving of morbid and obscene fetishes from otherworldly media.

Several parents attending the meeting were not impressed by West's outburst.

"Last month, he wanted us to change the high school's motto from 'Many Kinds of Excellence' to 'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn,'" PTA member Cathy Perry said. "I asked if it was Latin, and he said that it was the eldritch tongue of Shub- Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young. I don't know from eldritch tongues, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"We already changed the name of the school from Abraham Lincoln High to Nyarlathotep Academy," Perry added. "What more does he want?"

Immediately before the vote on his motion, which was defeated eight to one, West gave his final remarks, arguing that the children are our future and that it's the school board's obligation to make sure they are fully versed in the unspeakable horrors still to come.

"In the information age, it is easier than ever to gather knowledge about things that should not be but nonetheless are, and such wisdom could prepare our students to be better citizens amid the ruins of sunken cities infested with swarms of ravenous, bloated rats," West said. "Also, I believe that birth control should not be distributed by the guidance counselor."

All of West's remaining proposals were tabled so the board could debate repairing the hole in the locker-room wall, as five students have disappeared in the adjacent skull-filled catacombs since the opening was discovered last week.

Quoted from Cnn.com http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/06/13/bloop/

LONDON, England -- Scientists have revealed a mysterious recording that they say could be the sound of a giant beast lurking in the depths of the ocean.

Researchers have nicknamed the strange unidentified sound picked up by undersea microphones "Bloop."

While it bears the varying frequency hallmark of marine animals, it is far more powerful than the calls made by any creature known on Earth, Britain's New Scientist reported on Thursday.

It is too big for a whale and one theory is that it is a deep sea monster, possibly a many-tentacled giant squid.

In 1997, Bloop was detected by U.S. Navy "spy" sensors 3,000 miles apart that had been put there to detect the movement of Soviet submarines, the magazine reports.

The frequency of the sound meant it had to be much louder than any recognised animal noise, including that produced by the largest whales.

So is it a huge octopus? Although dead giant squid have been washed up on beaches, and tell-tale sucker marks have been seen on whales, there has never been a confirmed sighting of one of the elusive cephalopods in the wild.

The largest dead squid on record measured about 60ft including the length of its tentacles, but no one knows how big the creatures might grow.

For years sailors have told tales of monsters of the deep including the huge, many-tentacled kraken that could reach as high as a ship's mainmast and sink the biggest ships.

However Phil Lobel, a marine biologist at Boston University, Massachusetts, doubts that giant squid are the source of Bloop.

"Cephalopods have no gas-filled sac, so they have no way to make that type of noise," he said. "Though you can never rule anything out completely, I doubt it."

Nevertheless he agrees that the sound is most likely to be biological in origin.

The system picking up Bloop and other strange noises from the deep is a military relic of the Cold War.

In the 1960s the U.S. Navy set up an array of underwater microphones, or hydrophones, around the globe to track Soviet submarines. The network was known as SOSUS, short for Sound Surveillance System.

The listening stations lie hundreds of yards below the ocean surface, at a depth where sound waves become trapped in a layer of water known as the "deep sound channel".

Here temperature and pressure cause sound waves to keep travelling without being scattered by the ocean surface or bottom.

Most of the sounds detected obviously emanate from whales, ships or earthquakes, but some very low frequency noises have proved baffling.

Scientist Christopher Fox of the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Acoustic Monitoring Project at Portland, Oregon, has given the signals names such as Train, Whistle, Slowdown, Upsweep and even Gregorian Chant.

He told New Scientist that most can be explained by ocean currents, volcanic activity -- Upsweep was tracked to an undersea South Pacific mountain that had not been identified as "live."

"The sound waves are almost like voice prints. You're able to look at the characteristics of the sound and say: 'There's a blue whale, there's a fin whale, there's a boat, there's a humpback whale and here comes and earchquake," he says.

But some sounds remain a mystery he says. Like Bloop -- monster of the deep?

Listen to the bloop and read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop